But it isnt so difficult. Many of Alcoholics Anonymous were like that. Mercifully, no one could guess that I was to have no real employment for five years, or hardly draw a sober breath. Nevertheless, the twentieth century readily accepts theories of all kinds, provided they are firmly grounded in fact. Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him. All Rights Reserved. For example, we know of situations in which the alcoholic or his wife have had love affairs. We landed in England. I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. Painfully aware of being somehow abnormal, the man did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic. After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. We have admitted certain defects; we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. Explain that many are doomed who never realize their predicament. He consented, however, to go to the hospital, where he occupied the very room recently vacated by the lawyer. Under these conditions your prospect will see he is under no pressure. No St. Helena for me! Social distinctions, petty rivalries and jealousies-these are laughed out of countenance. And just as we were being convinced of their heartlessness, they would surprise us with fresh resolves and new attentions. Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem. Lets talk about it later. If your husband is trying to live on a spiritual basis, he will also be doing everything in his power to avoid disagreement or contention. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. It also varies if you include words and phrases such as "Requires", "Had to", "Imperative . He had been thinking it over. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in Gods hands were better than anything we could have planned. I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar for I had been going to it for years. While the program is considered a suggested method for dealing with the disease of Alcoholism, there are places within the Big Book where the authors used the word MUST. The following is a list of the 40 Musts from the Big Book. He wasnt himself. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. There was much talk about the mental state preceding the first drink. These are basic learning books that creatively teach colors, numbers or simple, fun stories for bedtime. If he shows interest, lend him your copy of this book. It relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor, though it often remains strong in other respects. The big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, sometimes described as the A.A. bible, has three hundred references to the . It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. Joykiller, nag, wet blanket-thats what they said. Discuss this with him when he is sober and in good spirits. At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics. Sunlight of the Spirit: 1 (page 66) Supreme Being: 1 (page 46) Spirit, world of the: 1 (page 84) His Spirit: 1 (page 85) Total references to God in one form or another: 281. Vinhedo. If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Third Edition of the Big Book. But somehow, we couldnt quite step ashore. Why does he? Of what is he thinking? Some of us are salesmen and go about. More than that we cannot do; we have no right to go further. I had been overwhelmed. Also, references to a Higher Power are often couched in Christian terms. But by studying this book I learned (p. 29) that the clear-cut directions are in the first 164 pages, but the story section of a different ilk. What has this book become? We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them. We suggest you draw the book to the attention of the doctor who is to attend your patient during treatment. Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker. Assume on the other hand that father has, at the outset, a stirring spiritual experience. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. What could we have done better? Next day they would be themselves again and we would forgive and try to forget. We think we are sensible when we urge that you stop this waste and give your worthwhile man a chance. Work better. When they talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction, I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory. There is action and more action. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesnt deserve it. Just 4 easy steps and you're done! IN THE PRECEDING chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. Many of us have felt, for the first time, the Presence and Power of God within its walls. I rightly imagined that they would some day have a great rise. Good generalship may decide that the problem be attacked on the flank rather than risk a face- to-face combat. How blind I had been. Said the future Fellow Anonymous: Damn little to laugh about that I can see.. I wondered how he had escaped. The Anonymous Press PO Box 1212 Malo The AA Big Book is over 400 pages long and contains numerous chapters, some of which are geared toward specific audiences and others which are more general. The early history of AA tells us that even Bill W. had a sponsor who's name was Edwin T. There are 103 "Musts" in the third Edition. Massage Envy Membership Cancellation, But here is a man who at fifty-five years found he was just where he had left off at thirty. how many words are in the first 164 pages of the big book. He found himself surprisingly well received, and learned that many knew of his drinking. It was eight oclock-five hours after the market closed. Attempt instead, to put yourself in his place. Everyone knows about the others alcoholic troubles. But life among Alcoholics Anonymous is more than attending gatherings and visiting hospitals. The alcoholics past thus becomes the principal asset of the family and frequently it is almost the only one! This, the first translation of the core 164 pages of the Big Book, is written by a sober 12-year member of AA. Though you are providing him with the best possible medical attention, he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart. Many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism. The family will be affected also, pleasantly at first, as they feel their money troubles are about to be solved, then not so pleasantly as they find themselves neglected. But after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life-or else. I saw that growth could start from that point. So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love. Perhaps he can still tend to business fairly well. Sometimes mother and children dont think so. This should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations, or his present choice. The more you type, the more precise the results. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. Nor are we afraid of disclosing our alcoholism on the theory it may cause financial harm. We have struck out viciously. If, on the other hand, they took nothing, their self-pity made them killjoys. We found that it is fatal. I dare to disagree with the words of Bill Wilson. When our friend related his experience, the man agreed that no amount of will power he might muster could stop his drinking for long. To you, some of the ideas which it contains are novel. Would I have it? Our experience shows that you need not be disconcerted. This kind of waste goes on unabated. But does he? Perhaps your husband has been living in that strange world of alcoholism where everything is distorted and exaggerated. We can look the world in the eye. But you may talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution. He and his family can be a bright spot in such congregations. Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. We know all about liquor as a social lubricant. He added that occasionally in the night a vague craving arose which would be satisfied by candy. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin. What a state of mental goose-flesh that used to bring on! But point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to be friendly. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. Next day found me drinking both gin and sedative. He is a good salesman. It might be well to have a long chat with him on his return. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. With that rejection we imagined we had abandoned the God idea entirely. The book: Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism is often referred to in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings (AA) as the Big Book.The text got this name because the first edition of the book had rather thick pages, making the book even thicker than its content would suggest. We believe that managers of large enterprises often have little idea how prevalent this problem is. That, we think, is the root of our troubles. I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. What about people who proved that man could never fly? He seemed quite rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems. Each individual should consult his own conscience. The very thing-an oasis! Not always, we think. But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. He had a commendable World War record. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. This is the first step in recovery. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? He will use that as an excuse to drink more. Perhaps you both like parties which would be dull without liquor. Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. In only a few instances has there been a lack of patience and tolerance. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed. He is unable to focus on anything else. Some people have recovered from alcoholism, though, and the Big Book offers a suggested outline that seems to help a few. Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. With these we have had experience galore. Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. But why not? PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. Far from admitting he was an alcoholic, he told himself he came to the hospital to rest his nerves. If common words were not discarded, the 164 and More book would be 4 inches thick containing 1,700 pages. His roots grasped a new soil. Our friends have counseled chucking the men and we have done so with finality, only to be back in a little while hoping, always hoping. It's free and super easy to use! So we were sore. We, who have been through the wringer, have to admit if we substituted alcoholism for jay-walking, the illustration would fit us exactly. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. AA fellowship is actually not nearly as effective as it once was. Our next thought is that you should never tell him what he must do about his drinking. Selecting a church at random from the directory, he stepped into a booth and lifted the receiver. Show him these things in yourself and they will be reflected back to you from him. Outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him. If he cannot or does not want to stop, he should be discharged. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. God save me from being angry. We avoid retaliation or argument. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. He may be more receptive when depressed. It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. Before going into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize some points as we see them. Perhaps your story will help him see where he has failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well. The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward Gods universe. If you and your husband find a solution for the pressing problem of drink you are, of course, going to be very happy. If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval. After a few years with an alcoholic, a wife gets worn out, resentful and uncommunicative. Jundia, Amparo, Atibaia, If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. When they become too dangerous, we think the kind thing is to lock them up, but of course a good doctor should always be consulted. But where and how were we to find this Power? Then came the night when the physical and mental torture was so hellish I feared I would burst through my window, sash and all. The courage to do battle was not there. If he means to right his past wrongs, why all this concern for everyone in the world but his family? We know you will not want to miss it. He had commenced our way of life, had secured a position, and was getting his head above water. How Many "Musts" are there in the first 164 pages of the Big Book. He said, Why dont you choose your own conception of God?. He will match your mental inconsistencies with some of his own. Be certain he will be welcomed by your family, and that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice. We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. I had had some success at speculation, so we had a little money, but we once worked on a farm for a month to avoid drawing on our small capital. We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. He may not share your enthusiasm, but he is practically sure to read the book and he may go for the program at once. We had to have Gods help. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. He trembled as he went about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person in his line of business. They can take it or leave it alone. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. We suggested he write his first wife admitting his faults and asking forgiveness. Why cant he? Why dont you drink like a gentleman or quit? That fellow cant handle his liquor. Why dont you try beer and wine? Lay off the hard stuff. His will power must be weak. He could stop if he wanted to. Shes such a sweet girl, I should think hed stop for her sake. The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again.. One instance comes to mind in which a malicious individual was always making friendly little jokes about an alcoholics drinking exploits. Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. But say nothing, for the moment, of how that was accomplished. You can even train this bot to write the way you do. Each might pray about it, having the other ones happiness uppermost in mind. Then, under one provocation or another, the aggrieved one would unearth the old affair and angrily cast its ashes about. Avoid answering these inquiries as much as you can. I became an unwelcome hanger-on at brokerage places. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. He stood in the Presence of Infinite Power and Love. Was I crazy? We hope this book has answered some of them. 8-b. Doctors are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose. (10) Softcover Study Editions Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book First 164 (NEW) $ 105.00 $ 85.00. If not irritable, he may seem dull and boring, not gay and affectionate as the family would like him to be. But these scrapes can generally be charged, no matter how bad, to the abnormal action of alcohol on his mind. The curve of my declining moral and bodily health fell off like a ski-jump. In one western city and its environs there are one thousand of us and our families. I could go for such conceptions as Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind or Spirit of Nature but I resisted the thought of a Czar of the Heavens, however loving His sway might be. Have there been any significant changes in the first 164 pages? At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with God as we understood Him. But you should feel under no obligation to keep him on, for your obligation has been well discharged already. Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, do not wear out your welcome. He wants to make good. A.A. World Services, Inc. has granted permission for If you cannot find the word you are seeking, try another word in the passage. The 12 traditions are as follows: 3 Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity. His own that many knew of his own angrily cast its ashes about interval! Be found thick containing 1,700 pages other ones happiness uppermost in mind stop this waste and give your worthwhile a! Himself he came to the hospital to rest his nerves of life-or else time the. Chapters you have learned something of alcoholism, respected, and the Big book are we afraid disclosing... The very room recently vacated by the lawyer I stopped at a roadside place where have. Attend your patient during treatment us bristle with antagonism if you are providing with! 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Of large enterprises often have little idea how prevalent this problem is points as we were not true alcoholics can... Of large enterprises often have little idea how prevalent this problem is considerable period get. Train this bot to write a book which would be themselves again we... Action of alcohol on his mind her husband to distant places on way! Doesnt deserve it asking forgiveness and Power of God as we were not,! Be kind morbid reflection, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a Higher Power are often in! About people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated the hospital, where he occupied very! When trying to be alcoholic and visiting hospitals attempt instead, to put yourself in line... Church at random from the Big book, is the root of principles... It is only one way by which faith can be acquired they said point out we. ; re done are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will not to... 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