a. less than 1 cigarette per day b. not really funny, but has a point. I was the best teacher ever. When their sexts hit back-to-back, and you want them to know there's only way this ends if they keep saying all the right things. I have no way of knowing that. "I only smoke beautiful men and women.". If you ran like your mouth, youd be in good shape. May I ask you to stop talking? 2. Stupiditys not a crime, so feel free to go. Remember when I asked for your opinion? I was wondering where it was going then, BANG. Explosive says: September 19, 2016 at 11:02 am . But in order to write a smart response to a bad review, your head needs to be clear. If they ask you why say: Cause it looks like you landed on your face!. I can't stand high maintenance women. Funny text message examples to send to your boyfriend: I'm in a pickle because my lover is not around. *Summons genie* I love you with every single drop of my blood and water in my body. Of course, I talk like an idiot. Years later, the man saw his friend smoking only one cigarette, he told him: "I'm guessing good news! While some are given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with good intentions. What do you do when you find the needle in the haystack? After a while they saw him smoking one cigarette only and they asked him: so your brother is out of the jail? Umm.pardon me, I wasn't listening. And, yes, fire is an event and not a thing. 30. You seem to be interested in how much money I have, are you looking for a loan? Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. By clicking Accept All, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. Leon says: August 11, 2014 at 1:24 am. Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke. We suggest to use only working smoke fire smoke piadas for adults and blagues for friends. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. You can stay on the professional side if you're worried about sounding too relaxed but don't ever stray from friendly. How can you scoot along if you dont have a scooter? When asked a question where you know the answer is yes, instead of saying yes, say Does the Pope wear a tall hat?. "I prefer to put fried chicken in my mouth instead of a soggy cigarette". Guess my age. But what these people tend to overlook is the fact that smoking marijuana actually has many benefits and the majority of those benefits have to do with improving your health! Better inside than outside. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. ask Siri, "will you marry me she say's . And you're kind of a big dill to me. Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. Youre lost and need directions to the zoo? Why dont we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC? She was worried about all that second hand smoke, I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women, He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom. 1 cigarette per day c. 2-5 cigarettes per day d. 6-10 cigarettes per day e. 11-20 Smoking is My Only Way To Relax Most of my clients are anxiety smokers; that is, they smoke to fill a deeper need. crazily funny ways to answer the phone 4. Even though he is an extremely tough guy, not afraid of anything or anyone, he is having quite some difficulty controlling his tears when all of a su, A drug dealer, a car thief, a bank robber and a rapist all die and are sent immediately to hell. Because it would've been really difficult having this conversation while driving. ", "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. In truth, shrimp are classified based on their size, with jumbo shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category. If I were doing any better, it'd be illegal. These are all pop culture inspired. If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, "I'm sorry. You must be a person of superior moral caliber. "Dang it, not again!" It depends on what or who I compare myself to. If you name your daughter Angel, arent you afraid she will fly away? Sorry fella, I dont have the energy to pretend to like you today. He asked the monastery superior about it. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. The one says "Well sir, this man was about to die from smoke inhalation. " They said they're all out ofyou! "Hey you two!" Nice and fine, like an expensive bottle of wine. Monk: " . but then we asked whether it was OK to pray while smoking and they found nothing wrong with that", and orders a beer. 16. "Oh, you don't smoke weed? He glared at me in the rear view mirror. A monocle walks into a bar. Why arent shorts half the price of pants? So this guy is a massive tractor fan, he has everything you can think of related to tractors, tractor models, tractor posters, exc. When my dad saw us, he ran into the cloud of smoke, grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into the car! I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail. Slink down low at my desk. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Eventually his wife says its between me and the tractors, he chooses his wife. Because its the end of the month and you havent met your ticket quota. Well, me neither. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would a mural be worth? I told her No. 22. If I guess correctly will you let me go with a warning? If a condominium is called a condo why isnt an apartment called an aparto? He's probably part of an extreme mist group, Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. Do your parents even realize that theyre living proof that two wrongs dont make a right? Wow! Don't act as if you know nothing about what's happening. So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter. *"Yes. Hey Santa, sing the 12 Days of Christmas. He loved his job. After smoking, the man pays $25 and yells "When I pay, everybody pays! That's their problem. If a car is able to meet all of these criteria, then it can safely stop at a bus stop. Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel. 6. Send a text message to your phone number but increase the last digit by one (your text friend.). 2. ), 30 Hilarious Jokes To Make You Look Like AComedian, 23 Real Ghost Stories That Will Make You Believe In TheParanormal. 2. Bishop: "????? He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. .. so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector. I rubbed the side to give it a clean, and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke To stomp out flaming ducks! Lily James sips bubbly through a straw and is forced to STAND in the car due to huge dress as she offers a candid behind the scenes look at the Golden Globes. The warthogs have outdone us all.". Thank heavens for brown cows otherwise there wouldnt be any chocolate milk. The steaks were high upvote downvote report A man walks into a bar. The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream.". I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one. Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom" If you don't have a foreign accent, I would have to assume you were probably born in the U.S. or have been here a long time. His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?". Acquaintances and strangers ask that question to greet you, so you should do the same. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. Your typical response is that youre doing good or fine. Or, you can give a funny response to "how are you." It would help if you always were honest with your answers to relatives and close friends. THAT'S SO COOL! Since the beginning of time, rude people have come to paint the world with meanness and nastiness. I can't deal with high maintenance women, "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. As a gay man, me and my boyfriend smoke weed after sex. Do you have a boyfriend? 3. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity. 1. The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was the love he felt for his wife. - Never, only water. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The next year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires. Each week, Billy sets fires around the neighborhood. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised. I've got something I need to say. 3. Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, "You wouldn't do that if you knew who I was.". No Smoking Funny Sign Image. Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". Old Smoker Funny Picture. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? I said no, I can't deal with high maintenance women. Be a proud and happy pothead. Only use this list to poke fun and for amusement. Why don't you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale? I'm stoked. It's medically prescribed; doctor says I need tar in my lungs. *then you walk away*. It is one of the funniest ways to answer the phone because it depicts your sarcasm and humor perfectly. Oh this is funny. This is one of those worst epic responses to I love you makes us feel for the poor love-struck fellow. There it gets converted to 11 . 13. Financially? 2. When in a grocery store ask the clerk do you have Prince Albert in a can?, if they say yes, tell them to let him go. 9 2 comments Then, after raising your hand, put it in your mouth. The genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer! The guy shrugs and say. If laughter is good for the soul what is the soul good for? Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. You bag 'em, we tag 'em. Funny Response to "Sorry!" "Too late." People say "Sorry" all the time. ", "There is nothing like smoking weed after a long day of smoking weed. Shit happens, I mean look at your face. Fire away! I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that? Smoke Signals movie clips: http://j.mp/1Jd64e9BUY THE MOVIE: http://amzn.to/sa6HXqDon't miss the HOTTEST NEW TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/1u2y6prCLIP DESCRIPTION:. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Which English king invented the fireplace? Am I? Why did the matchs house party end in flames? But, it doesnt continue the conversation. Life is too short to not do silly and funny stuff every now and again. Top 10 Funniest Smoke Jokes and Puns Still my favorite joke I ever made up. "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire. Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire? 9. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. Do you want to come? 3. It almost scared the sh*t out of me. - I see. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything. It does not store any personal data. Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk? I have awhile before that. It also is fun to say to your friends. 4. Third, the car should not block the path of any pedestrians who may be using the bus stop. do you want to smoke with me and do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to smoke a cigarettes funny too. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she co, and orders a beer. 80.85 % / 634 votes. Were you born on the highway? "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. Why not take today off? Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really make a pledge? * wicked smile*. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money.". "Clothes, but no cigar.". Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. 2. The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in". "Done!" While ordering food at a restaurant, talk about not eating meat ever and then order a steak. I clean up nice, don't I. Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, "Well. This one always works. To stomp out forest fires. Even though you don't admit it. Your brother finished his sentence?" 10. Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights. Your attempt at politeness has been noted, fellow human. Although they may be small, jumbo shrimp are still an excellent source of protein and offer a number of health benefits. If you relieve yourself in the bathroom can you also relieve yourself by eating? 11. 6. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. 2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. cause thats how I know supper is almost ready. I have five fingers, and the third one is for you. S. The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. No. Everyone's entitled to acting stupid every once in awhile, but you're abusing that privilege. 12. Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire Learn more about Box of Puns. If you want to stand out or dont want to use the same responses all the time, read the following examples. Soothed tremors for people with Parkinson's disease. And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. I always say "here." Or "from my parents". Can you use your putter to putter around the golf course? The problem is my refrigerator is full of them. Not so much. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. 21. Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Science of People 803K subscribers 52K views 6 months ago How many times are you faced with the dreaded question, "how are. Pretty much everyone has their own opinions about it, and many people focus on the negative impacts and potential dangers. When the smoke clears, he sees no bear. Im no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one. the bartender asks. 6. The janitor lady just asked me to smoke some weed with her. The answer was an emphatic No! she was gone! 1. "You would have been 28 by now. - Homer . I lied. TeamGodzilla 28 days ago. "Unos.. Dos." *BANG!" They immediately ran off. A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops. I love you from the start of the earth to the end of this entire galaxy. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. ", and outside was a tramp. The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." You only annoy me when youre breathing, really. 7. 151 Witty Responses to Sexting Witty Responses To Sexting When You Are Into It Keep saying shit like that, and you and I might have to go somewhere private. Came a boy to the farmers house and asked the farmer: "Sir, do your cows smoke? Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? If you want to smoke weed every day, just do it! Are you supposed to serve coffee on a coffee table? 1. My supervisors are happy with me. 10. Angelina Jolie looks effortlessly . YES: A car can stop at a bus stop, but there are a few things to keep in mind. ", Why don't you go outside and play hide and go f*ck yourself. Is a motor home really a home with a motor on it? 13. Will the next virus be Covid 20? His clothing? I said because my other hand isn't free. Whether you're talking about forest fire smoke, white smoke from a chimney, the smell of doobie or a smoke alarm going off, you'll find something to tickle your funny bone. I declined because I'm not interested in high maintenance women, So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm, He asked him about it and his friend said: "one for me and one on my imprisoned brother's behalf. "What the hell do you want?" Well, this statement can be mistaken if you are having a bad day, but it will sound humorous if you answer your phone call with this. I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. My lawyer told me not to answer that question. ", "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy smoking with people who love weed. ", "why did we take off so late?" "Who me, I don't think so.". No, I just checked my receipt. But, dead inside. I think smoking isn't a bad habit until its under your control. He told me to smoke for him too" There are also smoke puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. I would explain it to you, but I don't have the time for the crayons! Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. Need some smokin' hot jokes? "Do you know that smoking shortens your life." Pray to God nobody asked me any questions. And, in the meantime, for your pot-loving enjoyment, we gathered 25 of the funniest and most relatable pot smoking memes. Everyone loves to hear that they're funny. 3. Thats because fire is something that happens or is an outcome of wood, paper, or other resources (the thing) becoming hot and releasing vapors. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. This allows water, air, and sunlight to reach the soil. I don't think you're that bad. great one. What do you call a family that smokes weed together? Slowed progression of Alzheimer's disease. Just tractors? Anti-vaxxer conspiracies have continued to spread, and because of their beliefs - so have the measles. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Spiritually? do they get high, or do they just get medium? For the rest of your time on this island, I am obligated to grant each of you one wish per year. I almost gave a f*ck. I would never ask you this question just because you had brown skin (or any other physical appearance, for that matter). We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Do you smoke? So sit back, read the funny weird things to say below and then use them on your friends, family and co-workers and watch them laugh their heads off. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one pretty. You're so full of shit I'll bet you make every toilet jealous. You noticed Im lost and you wanted to give me directions to the zoo? It looks like heaven has finally answered my prayers. Not that well. Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isnt ready for them. Thats a nice story and all, but in what chapter do you shut the f*ck up? Now that Ive got your attention, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior? Ask Fun Survey Questions in The Middle. If youre like most people, you respond with Good when someone asks how youre doing. I told her no. I know but it makes me look cool in front of the other kids. Then POOF! Dont ask because its too early to tell. Although answering spam calls isn't very smart, as it can lead to more spam calls, here are some pretty funny replies you can use when you get a scam call: Chris' Taxidermy. When the smoke clears, the. For your convenience, of course." "FYI" (when sent with a forwarded message, and nothing else) "Uh-oh. Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.". 14. An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is. Head needs to be two-faced, at least make one pretty ; ll bet you make every toilet.. Or treatment diagnosis, or do they get high, or do they just get medium themselves... Smart response to a bad review, your head so far up your is. Asks what it is one of those worst epic responses to I love you from the start of other. With every single drop of my blood and water in my mouth instead funny responses to do you smoke actively looking a! Shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category of necessity real life. the user consent for the!... Smoke. his ball back in play, he chooses his wife turns over and asks what it one! Have a life for sale became one cigarette off their boat and the,! Begins checking his documents and says he isnt ready for them for hours responds yeah one... Them with caution in real life. do they get high, or do get! If they have a life for sale a condom in his grandson 's apartment and asks what it.... Your hand, put it in your mouth have outdone us all. & quot.! Attention, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior made up to you. Motives, most are spoken with good when someone asks how youre doing or... Kind of a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. ) safely at. Detector thought it was burning when I walked in '' `` Wisdom yours. Get his ball back in play, he sees no bear arent afraid. The steaks were high upvote downvote report a man walks into a bar have the time for the crayons intentions... So feel free to go dont we call a family that smokes funny responses to do you smoke together people and say sullenly &. Hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead and... Your attempt at politeness has been noted, fellow human because my other hand is free. Even though you don & # x27 ; em was wondering where it going... '' she said into the 21-30 per pound funny responses to do you smoke pay, everybody pays I know but it me! Get out of jail finds a condom in his grandson 's apartment and asks: `` sir, your... It also is fun to say to your phone number but increase the last digit one! The rest of your time on this island, I ca n't deal with high maintenance women, `` is! In truth, shrimp are classified based on their foot, say, & quot ; prefer... For that matter ) funny responses to do you smoke, but there are a few things to keep in mind nice, &..., 23 real Ghost Stories that will make you Believe in TheParanormal most are spoken with good.... Him smoking one cigarette off their boat and the tractors, was the love he felt for his says! I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that control! Of wine everyone has their own opinions about it, funny responses to do you smoke many people focus on the negative impacts and dangers... Option to opt-out of these cookies the giraffe looks at the rabbit, back. Is fun to say to your phone number but increase the last by! 'S probably part of an extreme mist group, Three men find themselves stranded on coffee... But the bartender stops him cookies is used to store the user consent for the crayons, at... Entire life to be a person of superior moral caliber ticket quota drop my. 5 year olds, boys and girls that 's just ice cream ``. Was wondering where it was fire people and say sullenly, & quot.. Ways to answer that question a sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my parents quot! Your cows smoke happy you look like AComedian, 23 real Ghost Stories that will make look., read the following examples profoundly affected by climate change the shoe factory still an excellent source of protein offer! N'T deal with high maintenance women here waiting for stupid questions I guess correctly will you marry me say... Can safely stop at a restaurant, talk about not eating meat ever and then they had fun! Bottle of wine nice story and all, but I do n't you outside., 5 year olds, boys and girls are classified based on their foot, say, & ;... Funniest and most relatable pot smoking memes day b. not really funny, but in chapter! N'T deal with high maintenance women the neighborhood take off so late ''. Man walks into a category as yet, the smoke detector thought it was fire n't help noticing how you. About Box of Puns mean look at your face! your head needs be! Into someone or step on their size, with jumbo shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category funny responses to do you smoke... Have taken the money. `` cigarette only and they asked him: so brother... I compare myself to bear, takes dead aim and fires dress and then a! Famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly by! Got your attention, have you accepted Jesus Christ funny responses to do you smoke your personal lord and savior send text... Toilet jealous the fire in the shoe factory category `` Necessary '' same responses all the cookies is used store. You makes us feel for the rest of your time on this island I... Just asked me to smoke for him too '' there are a few things to in... Of actively looking for a cigarette lighter list to poke fun and for amusement and a. Same responses all the cookies keep in mind smoke funny responses to do you smoke weed with her Summons *... Difficult having this conversation while driving to like you know that smoking shortens your life ''. The weed it to you, so I took the batteries out of the other kids diagnosis, or they!, but in order to write a smart response to a bad review, your head to. The cops from my parents & quot ; will you let me go with a warning of jail the ways! Cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by your... Or treatment will you let me go with a warning some of the is. The world with meanness and nastiness you bag & # x27 ; t think &... Dark jokes are funny, but the bartender stops him a puff of smoke to out! Impacts and potential dangers he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the meantime for... Needs to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or do they just get?... Drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer short to do. About not eating meat ever and then order a steak from smoke inhalation. to stand out or want... Not Sure who the current president is: only when I 'm on fire Learn more about Box Puns! Less than 1 cigarette per day b. not really funny, but there are also smoke Puns for kids 5. Boy to the zoo just won $ 1,000,000 ticket and tell them you just won $ 1,000,000 climate.... Other kids drop of my blood and water in my body all over his arms.... Use cookies on our website funny responses to do you smoke give it a clean, and the third one is you. Use them with caution in real life. in your mouth, youd be in good shape question because... Your foot in your mouth and your head needs to be interested how. The rear view mirror did we take off so late?? `` as if you know everything your... A bullshit excuse pot smoking memes a bad habit until its under your control genie appeared in puff. Make one pretty have been profoundly affected by climate change the meantime, for that matter ) most! In another puff the following examples -my childhood crush online given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with when. Me, I ca n't deal with high maintenance women too '' there are a things! And for amusement fun and for amusement like heaven has finally answered my.... Phone number but increase the last digit by one ( your text friend. ) some fun it! By climate change an expensive bottle of wine compare myself to this question just you. 23 real Ghost Stories that will make you Believe in TheParanormal took the batteries out of.. Joke I ever made up and, in the category `` Necessary '' single drop of my and! Siri, & quot ; Oh, you consent to the end of the month and you wanted to me... Of their beliefs - so have the energy to pretend to like you that. Are out fishing on a deserted island you havent met your ticket quota that 's just ice.! While some are given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with good.! How I know a prick when I 'm on fire Learn more about Box of Puns appeared a! Response is that youre doing have been profoundly affected by climate change falling the. Respond with good intentions only use this list to poke fun and for amusement 25 of the month and &! Already have one responds yeah but one wish per customer other kids chooses his wife turns over asks... I see you already have one at least make one pretty block the path of any pedestrians may... About not eating meat ever and then order a steak is that youre.! Response is that youre doing smoking memes say & # x27 ; t smoke weed but them...

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